im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I fill condoms, not promises.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
