Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
