you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They have beer where we have blood.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
