Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just cropdusted the office
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
