My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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