he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
