im drinking this country out of the recession.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
