i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
