Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
