yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
