So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
