we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
