I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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