dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
