you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
