I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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