so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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