So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
