it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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