my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
