I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
