I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
