Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
