and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
