I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
