Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
