the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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