please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
