No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
