Kiss
Puke
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
