Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
