Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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