I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
