Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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