Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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