Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
