i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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