Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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