dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
