I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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