"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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