Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
