mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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