Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
