is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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