Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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