just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
