it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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