so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
