Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish i was in the wii world.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
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