I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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